Learning To Love Ourselves

Walking along the beach contemplating self love.

How do we love ourselves when we don’t even know what self-love truly means?


There’s a primal need in us to belong – to be loved, liked, and accepted by those in our lives.

Yet many of us feel isolated, lonely, and unloved.

Some people believe they are not good enough.

Some hate themselves. Harm themselves.

Some believe that unless they are in a ‘relationship’, they must be unloveable, that something is wrong with them.

Some believe they are too fat, too ugly, too dumb, too dull, or worthless, and that’s why they are unloved.

And some live with wounds of rejection, abuse, exclusion, and racism.

Then there’s the voice of family and friends and society in our heads full of ‘shoulds and musts’ – rules of what it takes to be accepted, to ‘earn’ inclusion and ‘deserve’ love.

There are also the commercial messages and images we are bombarded with shaping our ideas about how we should look and act and be, and own and do to ‘succeed’ in life.

No wonder we get conflicted when we don’t measure up to what we are told is the ‘ideal’ of beauty, excellence and perfection we should imitate.

No wonder we give up and shut down and believe we are failures.

But here’s the thing – you didn’t fail.

There is no failure. There is only learning. And what you learnt is what love is NOT.


If you are living a joyless life, feeling lonely and unloved, perhaps it’s time you question what love is and what it’s not.

Perhaps the healthiest thing you can do is let go of a need to be liked, loved, or approved of because it makes it easy to be manipulated into believing who and what you should be.

Perhaps it’s time you questioned everything about your life.


Have you ever wondered why so many people are diagnosed with depression and anxiety? Or why so many people are unhappy and ill?

Have you ever considered that life has become so medicalised (treating something as a medical problem) to the point where we have created a vast disconnect from ourselves and each other by categorising and stigmatising our struggles to make sense of our lives?

Kermit the frog once said it’s not easy being green. Being human is not easy either when we live a lie, imitate others’ expectations, and lose connection with our innermost sense of self.

Life becomes an empty promise when we do not fulfil the yearning to live a loving, authentic life – which has nothing to do with looks, or achievements, or things we own, or approval, or acceptance, or being in a relationship.

How much suffering and trauma have we created because we have rejected ourselves instead of refusing to live a lie, an imitation?

To heal our internal struggles, we need to reclaim ourselves and honour who we truly are.

When you have reached your limit of suffering – that is when the magic can happen. That is when you can say NO MORE! I deserve better than this! And I’m going to learn how!


At the very core of you, who are YOU?

What do YOU value?

What inspires, energises and fulfils YOU?

Do you even know?

If you don’t question your life, if you get lost in the opinions, marketing ploys, and expectations of others, you will experience insecurity, inadequacy, depression, and self-rejection.

If we are to create inner peace and joy in our lives and heal what hurts us, we need to break the ‘spells’ that manipulate and influence us to be something we are not.

If we don’t belong to ourselves, we will never be free.


How do you perceive yourself?

Do you appreciate yourself?

Do you accept yourself?

Do you treat yourself with kindness and respect?

Do you nurture your health, your growth as a person, and your wellbeing?

Are you willing to love yourself enough to be genuinely you?

These are the questions we need to ask ourselves.

Because how you see yourself is how you will treat yourself, and it will shape your life.

So close your eyes and ask yourself what is the best version of myself I want to be, and how would that feel, what would that look like?

Then go on a healing journey to let go of all that separates you from your freedom to be who you truly are and love who you are.


Once you have an idea of the person you truly want to be, the next step is to become aware of what is happening inside yourself.

Self-examination is essential because our inner world creates our outer world. And not the other way around.

We tend to get caught up in the externals of our lives (the outer world) and lose touch with our inner world. We don’t listen, reflect, or be still in silence – until our bodies start talking to us with symptoms.

Instead, we are driven by the ‘demands’ of our lives, our minds racing and full of stressful thoughts (our stories) and fear and anger and blame and shame and sorrow. We are hard on ourselves and self-critical for what we deem our failures. And this is what creates the unhappy lives we live.

Alcohol, escapism, drugs, or busyness can only numb the inner pain we ignore for so long before symptoms of imbalance can no longer be ignored.

Your symptoms are talking to you. They always have. You just didn’t understand what they were telling you.

Part of our healing journey is to recognise inner pain, where it sits, how we express or repress it, and the price we pay for continuing to suffer.


To love yourself is to heal and let go of everything that is not love.

Love is an energy. It’s the very energy of creation that gives birth and nurtures and protects life.

Self-love is recognising that we are not what has happened to us. You no longer define yourself by your life’s experiences. Instead, you learn from them, and you move on. Self-love is a journey of learning and discovery.

Self-love is finally realising that you were not born to fulfil the needs of others – it’s not your job. Your job is to discover and live you!

Discovering yourself doesn’t mean you are not there for others. But others’ needs do not dismiss your own.

Self-love is healing and breaking the cycles of hurt and trauma in your life.

Self-love is learning how to use intention and the power of your mind and heart and body and soul and embracing the discovery of all that is you, on all levels of being.

Self-love is appreciation, acceptance, compassion, kindness, and respect for yourself and the human condition.

We are not born knowing how to love ourselves – that grows from learning and our actions that support our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual growth. Self-love means that you nurture your growth and health, and wellbeing.

To love yourself means to take care of yourself, hug yourself, and be your own best friend and cheerleader. And to forgive and surrender all that is not love.


Self-love is a combination of skills and wisdom you gain throughout your life’s journey.

We are all the ‘walking wounded’, living cycles of hurt and suffering until someone breaks the cycle. Love breaks that cycle. And that someone is you.

Learning to love yourself means asking yourself, what would love do? And then do it!


When you go on a healing journey, it can be overwhelming to know where to start. Just start somewhere. Take the first step. Be an explorer.

And trust yourself. Only you will ever truly know you. There is no one way to heal, but you can discover what is right for you.

Use your discernment, what you resonate with, to guide you on your path.

Be an adventurer on this journey called life. Your freedom from suffering is worth the steps you take.

We do have a Pinterest page you can explore, where we collect natural health and healing resources. It’s full of articles and videos, and discussions that inspire and motivate and teach. 

And if you need help, we love helping people heal. We share what we do on our website’s Our Health Services and Our Team pages.

May love guide you, heal you and be with you always!