YOU CAN HEAL STRESS
I would love everyone to start talking about healing stress and creating peace and wellbeing in our lives.
And break through our conversational taboos and the ways we hide ourselves.
So many are struggling with chronic stress, with feeling uncertain, overwhelmed, and anxious about the future.
So many have lost hope and live in constants states of fear and rage and grief and unresolved trauma.
And yet if we are asked how we are, we pretend we’re okay even when we’re barely struggling to get through each day.
I’m not here to talk about quick fixes or empty promises either.
Healing stress and fears, trauma and emotional scars can take time and every ounce of courage we have to face them.
But as someone who has healed and overcome the effects of childhood abuse, it is my experience that we can heal chronic stress, and we can free ourselves from suffering, and we can create a life we love living.
Along the way, I have learned that there is no one solution to our problems and struggles.
There is no single one way to heal stress and trauma.
There are many, and your healing journey will be as different and as unique as you and your life experiences are.
Healing you is a journey of self-discovery, and learning skills, and finding what resonates – what inspires you and transforms your suffering.
Healing means creating balance and coherence between every aspect of your being – your body, mind, emotions and spiritual parts of you.
Healing takes time and daily practice and perseverance and never giving up on you.
And every time you fall down, you get back up and continue.
Because you are worth it.
Even if right now you hate your life and yourself, you are worthy.
You are not your inner wounds, your problems, your trauma, your past, your fears, or self-hatred.
You are so much more.
As Persian poet Hafiz once powerfully wrote, I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.
Now is the perfect time for all of us to bring our stress and fears and tears into the light where all things can be healed.
But before we can even explore healing stress, we need to be honest about the elephant in the room, the one that blocks us from transforming our lives.
WHAT DO YOU AVOID?
The elephant in the room represents the problems, challenges, fears, issues, emotional pain, hurt and suffering, damage, and trauma that we don’t want to talk about, or deal with.
The elephant is all we have avoided – all we haven’t resolved within us.
In the image, you can see the elephant sitting in a tree, which represents the tree of your (inner) life.
Notice the branches are bare, there’s no growth.
The elephant looks out onto a bleak, dead landscape – depicting our inner world when starved of love and self-care.
Notice the eyes of the person in the background are closed, not looking – that’s avoidance.
Notice the web representing the energies of life in the background, connecting all things, influencing all parts of the web.
This image symbolises what happens to us when we don’t heal our inner self, when we ignore the elephant in the room.
We live devoid of self-love and authentic connection and inner peace.
We also risk living a life full of empty escapisms, toxic habits, dysfunctional relationships, drama, and distractions.
And into the mix, when you avoid something, you actually give it more power over you.
Avoidance reinforces fear and increases stress.
I’m talking about chronic stress, the long-term, overwhelming pressure and reactivity that doesn’t go away.
Avoidance doesn’t make our unresolved issues disappear either.
Unresolved issues grow as they infect and affect every aspect of your life and relationship with others.
You end up living a life controlled by fears and anxieties, preventing personal growth and limiting what you could create in life.
Unresolved issues affect your physical health and wellbeing until you choose to heal every part of you.
And I understand why we avoid ‘exposing’ our inner selves.
The first time I sought help to heal the trauma of abuse, I was so frozen with fear the counsellor came out to my car to get me.
But looking back at my life before I started that healing journey, I can tell you it takes far more effort (and an exhausting use of energy) to remain suffering than it does to take that first step toward healing, no matter how frightening it seems.
And to remain existing in darkness and pain and fear and avoidance is to not live at all.
I’ve never looked back since the day I reached out for help.
I’m in my sixties now.
I still love learning and exploring what it means to be happy and healthy and whole and alive.
I appreciate more – grateful for things I didn’t even notice before.
And no matter what happens outside of me in the world, the circumstances or challenges, I am my own sanctuary.
You can become your own haven of peace too – one step and one choice and one breath at a time.
If I could share one thing that might help you take that first step is that to heal anything, it’s important to understand it.
UNDERSTANDING STRESS
When it comes to healing chronic stress, I invite you to be like a curious explorer finding new land – discovering things about yourself and uncovering your potential.
We’re all here in this life to learn and grow and heal and love and create.
If you can be an interested observer and discoverer of yourself, it can help create space between you and fear – and help you feel less confronted or self-condemning.
Self-kindness, self-compassion, and patience with yourself is essential too.
If you can be your own best friend, you are halfway there.
STRESS IS YOUR REACTION
The first important thing to discover is that stress is not something that happens to you.
Stress happens in you.
What one person might find stressful, another might be stress-free in the same situation.
Stress is a response, a primal, instinctual reaction based on life experiences.
Stress is your body reacting physically, mentally, and emotionally to demanding, challenging or dangerous situations that are sensed and interpreted by your internal radar.
Stress is defined as an automatic fight-flight-freeze-fawn response to a perceived threat or danger.
When you feel threatened, stress hormones start pumping throughout your body to either confront the threat (fight) or escape from it (flight).
Or you might freeze and become immobilised (you can’t think, can’t act).
To fawn is when you try to please or appease others to avoid harm.
The stress you experience is reactive – based on how you sense and interpret something.
It is your personal response to events, demands, people or situations, and not the events, demands, people, or situations themselves that trigger the stress you experience.
You create what things mean to you.
And that’s a wonderful thing to realise because it puts the power and potential for healing back in your hands.
You can now begin a journey of self-discovery and learn why certain things in life trigger stress in you, and how to unravel that reactivity.
With the right skills, how you react and respond in life then becomes a conscious choice.
I invite you to explore and discover and learn all you can about yourself and what triggers you.
It’s eye opening to delve into why we develop the beliefs and perceptions we hold onto that trigger stress.
ORIGINS OF STRESS
Have you ever thought that how you perceive (interpret, regard, understand) anything in life is coloured (filtered, affected, influenced) by your deepest subconscious beliefs, which are formed from your experiences – beginning from birth.
Schema Therapy is worth looking into because it explores the many ways our childhood affects us.
Schemas are our mental frameworks we develop to make sense of the world we live in.
Schemas are the lenses through which we see ourselves, others, and interpret our experiences.
Exploring schemas can help us understand undermining behaviours, stress reactions, and our needs.
We all have needs that progress from basic survival needs through to achieving our full potential.
We need shelter and food and water and air to survive.
We need to feel safe and protected.
We have interpersonal needs for love and acceptance and belonging.
And we need self-respect, attention, and respect from others, so we achieve independence, confidence and mastery.
We also have an instinctual need to become all we can be – fully realised.
Negative schemas and stress triggers stem from our needs not being met.
If you grew up in an unstable, unpredictable or violent environment, you may develop a schema that the world is not a safe place, and you can’t trust others.
You might become hyper-vigilant and trigger your body’s fear response in situations where you are actually safe.
Growing up feeling isolated and rejected can develop into an unconscious belief you’re unloveable, or you don’t belong.
If you were micromanaged as a child, you can develop an underlying belief that you’re incompetent, you can’t do anything right.
Early abuse or neglect can trigger feelings of worthlessness and mistrust.
Constant criticism can lead to believing you’re not good enough, you’re stupid.
Toxic experiences in our dependent (vulnerable) period of development as children lead to certain patterns of behaviour and stress reactions when our needs are not met.
Schema Therapy focuses on identifying and changing negative patterns of thinking and feelings that develop from unmet needs.
By exploring your schemas with a qualified therapist, you can develop strategies to break free from limiting beliefs, self-defeating behaviours, and chronic reactivity.
HEALING STRESS
It’s not just early childhood experiences though that can lead to chronic stress.
Throughout life, we can be harmed by events that cause long lasting negative effects – such as experiencing violent crime, war, terrorism, racial trauma, prejudice, societal discrimination, domestic abuse, financial crisis, natural disasters, life-threatening disease or accidents.
What’s encouraging to know is that patterns of reactive emotions, and self-defeating behaviours and beliefs can be changed.
Chronic stress and trauma can be healed.
NEUROPLASTICITY
Thanks to neuroscience, you can delve into neuroplasticity and discover how your brain can rewire itself and create new pathways – given the right interventions.
Your brain manages your body’s stress responses by interpreting threats and coordinating your physical and behavioural reactions.
Neuroplasticity is your brain’s ability to change and adapt to learning and developing new skills and creating new behaviours and experiences.
Neuroscientist, Jill Bolte Taylor is a huge advocate of neuroplasticity after experiencing a massive stroke and losing her ability to walk, talk, read, or recall her life.
She used conscious effort and her understanding of neuroplasticity to heal and recover her health.
Jill Bolte Taylor’s experience and expertise show us how we can harness our brain’s potential for transformation and resilience.
Our brains have an innate capacity to successfully adapt and recover and regain well-being from stress and trauma.
She also developed a 90 second rule to help your body flush out stress hormones, short-circuit emotional reactivity, and find your way to peace.
I’ve included Jill’s books and talks in our Learn More section at the end of this blog, or you can visit her website.
SOMATIC EXPERIENCING
You can also look into Somatic Experiencing.
Somatic healing focuses on the deep connection between the mind and body, and how stress, trauma, memories, and emotions are stored in your body’s physical sensations, posture, and movement.
Somatic therapy uses techniques like breathing exercises, body awareness, and guided movement to help people release trapped stress and tension, increase self-awareness, and build new coping skills to heal and grow.
EMDR
EMDR is another valuable method to help heal the effects of chronic stress and trauma.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a therapeutic technique that stimulates both sides of your brain to process traumatic emotions, memories and experiences through rapid eye movement.
This body-centred approach helps you reduce distress, and integrate traumatic experiences and memories in a healthy way, and replace negative beliefs with more positive ones.
EMDR is recognised as an effective treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), eating disorders, substance abuse, anxiety and depression, phobias, and panic attacks.
MANY WAYS TO HEAL
There are many therapies that help balance your brain and nervous system and move you from a chronic state of stress (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) back into a more balanced internal state of being.
You can explore breathwork, bodywork therapies, acupuncture, bowen therapy, craniosacral therapy, hatha yoga, yoga nidra, meditation, mindfulness, grounding (earthing), sound healing, and TRE (Tension and Trauma Release Exercises).
There’s something for everyone.
You just have to go on a journey of discovery and find healing techniques that you resonate with, that work for you – the whole of you.
HEALTH IS HOLISTIC
Healing is holistic, meaning that we cannot focus on any one part of ourselves and exclude others.
Every part of you affects every part of you.
What we eat, our fitness, how we use or minds, our thoughts, our feelings, and our very connection to life and creation affects every part of us and every part of our lives.
When it comes to your health, chronic unresolved stress affects every single system in your body, including:
• your immune system and nervous systems.
• your brain function and mind and memory and ability to think clearly.
• your endocrine system and hormones and emotional stability.
• your gut, digestion, metabolism and ability to create optimal energy.
And I haven’t even covered it all.
But the eventual consequence of not addressing chronic stress is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion.
You ‘burnout’ – which greatly increases your risk of sickness and disease.
It’s why healing chronic stress has to include restoring and maintaining your physical health.
Our Boosting Brain Health blog is a good place to begin because we include food lists and recipes to boost gut-brain function.
And as much as we need to focus on physical health, we need to create and maintain balance and harmony in our minds, our hearts (emotions), and the essence of who we are (spiritual) so we can become whole.
To be whole is to be healthy and integrated and complete, happy, fulfilled and at peace.
THE ULTIMATE FREEDOM
From the time we are born, what we live shapes us and how we react and respond to people and events in our lives.
I have a personal reminder that we are all victims of victims, until we break our generational cycles – the patterns of dysfunction we inherit and continue.
And we are all the walking wounded until we heal our self-defeat.
It’s my way of saying to myself, stop doing what doesn’t work.
Healing stress is the ultimate freedom and relief and letting go of everything that undermines us within us.
We don’t have to remain hurt, damaged, stressed, abused, or suffering when there is another way to live.
And that doesn’t mean life won’t present challenges.
But it does mean the healing skills you gain will help you to face them, journey through them, and evolve.
Daily practice is essential.
Focus on what nourishes and nurtures and heals.
And then practice some more,
Until peace and well being is who you are.
Much love,
Tracey
RELATED BLOGS
Healing With Mindfulness
https://www.renerhealthclinics.com.au/healing-with-mindfulness/
What Matters
https://www.renerhealthclinics.com.au/what-matters/
What Self-Love Truly Means
https://www.renerhealthclinics.com.au/understanding-self-love/
How To Live A Life You Love
https://www.renerhealthclinics.com.au/how-to-live-a-life-you-love/
Boosting Brain Health
https://www.renerhealthclinics.com.au/boosting-brain-health/
INSPIRING VIDEOS
My Stroke Of Insight, TED talk by Jill Bolte Taylor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU
New Research: Reduce Stress & Find Peace, with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
https://youtu.be/x2kobgeDNgI?si=6tN27ealIU6_GVly
Expand your perception. Change your life. | Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
https://youtu.be/8xvbmi9F-tU?si=csFSnc7DHdMD96C2
Intro to HeartMath by Jennifer May, Ph.D.
https://youtu.be/qHncVVaaaB8?si=1gVRd-_A0Fxj7L0-
What Is Personal Heart Coherence & How Can It Help Us Manage Stress?
https://youtu.be/u_qJE5O_AI4?si=84wyZF0f-d7BI7IC
Overcoming Life’s Challenges | Eckhart Tolle on Breaking Through Problems with Presence (Part 1)
https://youtu.be/cl3uXJu9Vh4?si=W-jXo5-KIkAUqvM9
Why You Feel Lost in Life: Dr. Gabor Maté on Trauma & How to Heal
https://youtu.be/tool-R8VJ2Y?si=eXaWSFqK6raSnPpF
Give Me 15 Minutes… I’ll Save You 25+ Years Of Feeling Lonely, Depressed & Lost | Dr. Gabor Maté
https://youtu.be/DvUoBswzsTo?si=5KE4Vkw0BVQYoG66
The Invisible Effects Of Childhood Trauma | Dr. Gabor Maté
https://youtu.be/N4kWa7wqu9A?si=nk8ddLebJdhHAWxX
INSPIRING BOOKS
My Stroke of Insight by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, 2008, Viking. ISBN: 9780340980507.
Whole Brain Living by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, 2022, Hay House. ISBN: 9781401965389.
Transforming Stress:The Heartmath Solution for Relieving Worry, Fatigue, and Tension by Doc Childre, 2005, Oakland: New Harbinger Publications. ISBN: 9781572243972.
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, 2014, Viking. ISBN: 9781101608302.
Daring Greatly by Brené Brown, 2016, Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House. ISBN: 9780241257401.
Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko, 2019, Scribe Publications. ISBN: 9781925849387.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, 2011, Hachette Australia. ISBN: 9780733627514.
DAILY REMINDERS
You can save our Live Love and Healing Stress reminders to your phone and play them every morning to help keep you on track.
DAILY REFLECTION
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie, 1990, Hazelden Information & Educational Services. ISBN: 9780894866371.
Daily meditations that offer growth and renewal, and remind us that the best thing we can do is take responsibility for our own self-care.
Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie, 2010, HarperCollins Publishers Inc. ISBN: 9780062511218.
Daily meditations to help connect more deeply with ourselves, expand our spiritual growth and renewal, and open our hearts.
FREE RESOURCES
Heart Math Org
https://www.heartmath.org/resources
Children Learn What They Live
This website is filled with constructive, positive words to help all of us in small, and sometimes big, ways – not only with parenting, but also in our everyday lives as adults.
https://childrenlearnwhattheylive.com
ONLINE STUDY
The Freedom to Choose Something Different, with Pema Chodron is a self-paced online course that offers spiritual guidance and practical tools to befriend difficult emotions and liberate yourself from patterns of suffering.
https://product.soundstrue.com/freedom-to-choose-something-different
Living Without Stress or Fear: Essential Teachings on the True Source of Happiness, by Thich Nhat Hanh is an audio series of six sessions of Thich Nhat Hanh’s core teachings and guided practices on mindfulness, compassion, and finding freedom from suffering.
https://www.soundstrue.com/products/living-without-stress-or-fear
REFERENCES
Adolphs R. The biology of fear. Curr Biol. 2013 Jan 21;23(2):R79-93. doi: 10.1016/j.cub.2012.11.055. PMID: 23347946; PMCID: PMC3595162.
Brom D, Stokar Y, Lawi C, Nuriel-Porat V, Ziv Y, Lerner K, Ross G. Somatic Experiencing for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: A Randomized Controlled Outcome Study. J Trauma Stress. 2017, Jun;30(3):304-312. doi: 10.1002/jts.22189. Epub 2017 Jun 6. PMID: 28585761; PMCID: PMC5518443.
Davidson RJ, McEwen BS. Social influences on neuroplasticity: stress and interventions to promote well-being. Nat Neurosci. 2012 Apr 15;15(5):689-95. doi: 10.1038/nn.3093. PMID: 22534579; PMCID: PMC3491815.
Fincham, G.W., Strauss, C., Montero-Marin, J. et al. Effect of breathwork on stress and mental health: A meta-analysis of randomised-controlled trials. Sci Rep 13, 432 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-27247-y
Holahan CJ, Moos RH, Holahan CK, Brennan PL, Schutte KK. Stress generation, avoidance coping, and depressive symptoms: a 10-year model. J Consult Clin Psychol. 2005 Aug;73(4):658-66. doi: 10.1037/0022-006X.73.4.658. PMID: 16173853; PMCID: PMC3035563.
Kenrick DT, Griskevicius V, Neuberg SL, Schaller M. Renovating the Pyramid of Needs: Contemporary Extensions Built Upon Ancient Foundations. Perspect Psychol Sci. 2010 May;5(3):292-314. doi: 10.1177/1745691610369469. PMID: 21874133; PMCID: PMC3161123.
Khoury B, Lecomte T, Fortin G, Masse M, Therien P, Bouchard V, Chapleau MA, Paquin K, Hofmann SG. Mindfulness-based therapy: a comprehensive meta-analysis. Clin Psychol Rev. 2013 Aug;33(6):763-71. doi: 10.1016/j.cpr.2013.05.005. Epub 2013 Jun 7. PMID: 23796855.
Labrenz F, Woud ML, Elsenbruch S, Icenhour A. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly-Chances, Challenges, and Clinical Implications of Avoidance Research in Psychosomatic Medicine. Front Psychiatry. 2022 Feb 18;13:841734. doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2022.841734. PMID: 35250678; PMCID: PMC8894646.
Lee MJ, Ryu JS, Won SK, Namgung U, Jung J, Lee SM, Park JY. Effects of Acupuncture on Chronic Stress-Induced Depression-Like Behavior and Its Central Neural Mechanism. Front Psychol. 2019 Jul 5;10:1353. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01353. PMID: 31333523; PMCID: PMC6625224.
Louis JP, Lockwood G, Louis KM. A Model of Core Emotional Needs and Toxic Experiences: Their Links with Schema Domains, Well-Being, and Ill-Being. Behav Sci (Basel). 2024 May 24;14(6):443. doi: 10.3390/bs14060443. PMID: 38920775; PMCID: PMC11200969.
Nazari F, Mirzamohamadi M, Yousefi H. The effect of massage therapy on occupational stress of Intensive Care Unit nurses. Iran J Nurs Midwifery Res. 2015 Jul-Aug;20(4):508-15. doi: 10.4103/1735-9066.161001. PMID: 26257809; PMCID: PMC4525352.
Mustafa, Mahfuzah & Huong, Sia & Sulaiman, Norizam & Samad, Rosdiyana & Abdullah, Nor Rul Hasma & Salim Pakheri, Nasrul & Taib, Mohd Nasir (2015). Initial result of body earthing on student stress performance. 10.1109/ICBAPS.2015.7292232.
Oh, J., & Shin, C. S. (2021). A pilot study on the anxiety reduction effect of tension, stress, and trauma releasing exercises (TRE). Asia-Pacific Journal of Convergent Research Interchange, 7, 379–388.
Pandi-Perumal SR, Spence DW, Srivastava N, Kanchibhotla D, Kumar K, Sharma GS, Gupta R, Batmanabane G. The Origin and Clinical Relevance of Yoga Nidra. Sleep Vigil. 2022;6(1):61-84. doi: 10.1007/s41782-022-00202-7. Epub 2022 Apr 23, PMID: 35496325; PMCID: PMC9033521.
Pascoe MC, de Manincor M, Tseberja J, Hallgren M, Baldwin PA, Parker AG. Psychobiological mechanisms underlying the mood benefits of meditation: A narrative review. Compr Psychoneuroendocrinol. 2021 Mar 10;6:100037. doi: 10.1016/j.cpnec.2021.100037. PMID: 35757358; PMCID: PMC9216450.
Peeters N, van Passel B, Krans J. The effectiveness of schema therapy for patients with anxiety disorders, OCD, or PTSD: A systematic review and research agenda. Br J Clin Psychol., 2022 Sep;61(3):579-597. doi: 10.1111/bjc.12324. Epub 2021 Jul 23. PMID: 34296767; PMCID: PMC9544733.
Peil KT. Emotion: The Self-regulatory Sense. Glob Adv Health Med. 2014 Mar;3(2):80-108. doi: 10.7453/gahmj.2013.058. PMID: 24808986; PMCID: PMC4010957.
Pittenger C, Duman RS. Stress, depression, and neuroplasticity: a convergence of mechanisms. Neuropsychopharmacology. 2008 Jan;33(1):88-109. doi: 10.1038/sj.npp.1301574. Epub 2007 Sep 12. PMID: 17851537.
Poerio Giulia L., Kondo Hirohito M. and Moore Brian C. J. 2024, Sensing and feeling: an overview, Phil.Trans.R.Soc.B, 379:20230242, http://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2023.0242
Shapiro F. The role of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy in medicine: addressing the psychological and physical symptoms stemming from adverse life experiences, Perm J. 2014 Winter;18(1):71-7. doi: 10.7812/TPP/13-098. PMID: 24626074; PMCID: PMC3951033.
Szaszkó B, Schmid RR, Pomper U, Maiworm M, Laiber S, Tschenett H, Nater UM, Ansorge U., The influence of hatha yoga on stress, anxiety, and suppression: A randomized controlled trial, Acta Psychol (Amst). 2023, Nov;241:104075. doi: 10.1016/j.actpsy.2023.104075. Epub 2023 Nov 4. PMID: 37931334.
Yaribeygi H, Panahi Y, Sahraei H, Johnston TP, Sahebkar A. The impact of stress on body function: A review. EXCLI J. 2017 Jul 21;16:1057-1072. doi: 10.17179/excli2017-480. PMID: 28900385; PMCID: PMC5579396.